I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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