Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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