The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
