You're my little dorito
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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