Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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