have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
