You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
