Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
