I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
