How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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