we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
