apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
