She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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