The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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