I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
