I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
