we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
