i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
