I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
