I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
