I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
