I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize