I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
