You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am naked and annoyed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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