Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
