Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
