Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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