The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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