Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
