I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
