yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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