More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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