your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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