I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
