all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize