Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
