i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this just has baby written all over it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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