Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
