i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
