i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
