Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
