Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize