Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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