did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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