When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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