We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
