It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
