It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
