garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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