She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
