Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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