I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
