I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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