Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Michael Bay diarrhea
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
