Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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