You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
