3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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