why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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