I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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