i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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