It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
