i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
