If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize