i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
