i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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