Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
